Every company on the planet will tell you their product or service is the best you can get, or the least expensive, or the easiest to use, or some such superlative. One of my favorite gadget catalogs often said about its too-cool products, “Bestest Best Ever..” whatever it was.

So we think the Got Mold? Test Kit is the “bestest best ever” do-it-yourself mold test kit on the globe. You ask why. And you should. I’m glad you did.

For starters, it works. I can’t say that about some of the best-selling kits on the market, because, well, they don’t. Consumer Reports did a review of a bunch of mold test kits awhile back and basically shredded them all. Unfortunately, ours wasn’t out yet, so we missed a shot at being an overnight sensation. But we were already in development, and none of the flaws CS found in other kits exist in ours.

The non-working kits are the ones that feature “settling plates,” or Petri dishes – little flat saucers of goo that mold spores like to grow in. The theory is, you leave one of these goo gardens out on your counter or table for a few hours, then clap the lid on and wait a few days to see what sprouts.

In most cases, you get a pamphlet with some photos, which you’re expected to match up with the creepy, fuzzy stuff in your goo garden so you know what “type” of mold you have. This is an exercise in futility. Here’s why:

First: Mold spores are everywhere. Everywhere. If you leave a hotdog on the beach, a seagull will eat it. If you place a source of moist nutrition out in the air, mold will grow on it. The only exception might be a “clean room,” the kind where they make silicon chips. Even there, I’d bet on mold over the filters and scrubbers. You can fit 10,000 mold spores on the head of a pin, which makes the old angel trick look silly.

Second: The makers of these kits claim they will tell you if you have what the fear-mongers in the industry call “toxic” or “black” mold. They’re talking about stachybotrys chartarum, which is alleged to emit some very nasty stuff called mycotoxins and is blamed for the big-publicity cases such as Ed McMahon’s dog and the original big case involving Melinda Ballard. Here’s the glitch: Stachybotris spores are wet and heavy, thus unlikely to make it into a Petri dish in a few hours. And the killer is that the goo in these kits won’t grow stachybotris! It’s the wrong formula, plus it needs a lot of time to get established.

Third: You end up with zero usable information. Is mold actually growing inside your home (that is, outside the goo garden)? You won’t know. Is there a higher spore count indoors than outdoors? You won’t know. And those are the only things you need to know, except for where it’s growing if it’s there.

Fourth: Do you really want to encourage mold to grow in your house? A little dish like that with 24 hours worth of mold growth in it will be spewing out spores by the millions. For my money, if it’s not already in my cheese, I don’t want any mold in my house. OK, my shoes are another story.

Other mold test kits offer cotton swabs, or suggest you use a piece of Scotch tape, to get a surface sample. Again, this might be fine if you’re trying to decide whether the stain in your suitcase is mold or coffee (who cares?), but the only important question is: What’s in the air you’re breathing?

Surface sampling has its place, and the Got Mold? Test Kit includes three industry-standard BioTape™ surface samplers, in addition to the three industry-standard Air-O-Cell™ air sampling cassettes.

Then there are the vacuum cleaner kits. With these, you place a filter of some kind on your own vacuum cleaner and go vacuum the heck out of your carpets, bedding, upholstery or whatever, and send the dirty filter to a lab. Guess what? There’s mold! So what? Remember, mold is everywhere. So what you still don’t know is whether the mold in the air inside your house is more prevalent than outdoors. It’s another zero-information game.

There is one type of kit that works. It’s what I call the “rent-a-pump” kit. But these are generally expensive, and entail the hassle and risk of using a very expensive professional air pump that needs to be returned intact, or you bought it. Other than that, they generally use industry-standard air sampling cassettes, so they work, providing of course that the pump has been properly cleaned and recalibrated before you got it.

The Got Mold? Test Kit includes our proprietary BioVac™ air sampling pump, which is cordless and disposable. You can keep it if you like, but it really is disposable. For a peek at what’s in the kit, go here.

So what makes the Got Mold? Test Kit the “bestest best ever” is:
1. It works – industry-standard components and solid science
2. It’s affordable – fully deployed, it’s less than the starter “rent-a-pump” kits
3. It’s easy to use – clear instructions are included; a kid can do it.
4. It’s hassle free – take your samples, drop them in the mail, get your report in 10 business days

We’re already working on the next generation of the Got Mold? Test Kit. It’ll be even easier! Stay tuned.